Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
