I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
