i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
