So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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