I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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