I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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