living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
