if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
