Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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