Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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