I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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