I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't deserve a penis
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
