The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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