Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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