the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
