I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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