there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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