I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
