i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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