i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize