There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
