Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
