lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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