Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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