hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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