Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
