"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
