We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
