The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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