i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize