i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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