I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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