Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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