is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
