Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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