My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
