I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
