I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think your dad took our porno
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
