so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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