I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?