I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
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OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You've changed since you got that strap on