I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you