How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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