My friends, they love my intelligence
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
