on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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