yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
