Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
