please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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