No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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