idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
