Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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