So drunk its hurt
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
