There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
