I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
