With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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