I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
