I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
