Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
