You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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