Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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