The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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