I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
