last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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