Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
