dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
